Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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