So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this beer tastes like vomit already
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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