I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Randomize
