If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
