That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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