I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
