I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
