Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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