She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
