Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
