the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
