i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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