FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
