you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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