My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
