I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
