I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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