I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
