i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
