remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
