Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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