did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
