If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
