im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
