Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
