We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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