I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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