Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
