I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
