I think I died a long time ago.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
