Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
