whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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