we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
