Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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