I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
