i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
