he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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