"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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