He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
