And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
