she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize