I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
