omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish you could order shots online.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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