Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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