She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
