We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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