Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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