so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
