is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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