I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
