His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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