Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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