So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
