when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
