it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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