Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
