Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
