I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
