he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A bitchslap is in order.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
