Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
