I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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