I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
