If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
