I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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