I want to make a zoo with you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize