Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Damn victory sex feels great
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
