I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
