My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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