If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
