I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
