shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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