Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
