I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
