She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize