Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
