Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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