I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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